Assassins and Coffee
by fishstick1999
Summary: When a mysterious girl name Marlee breaks into America's apartment what does America do? Well invite her to have some coffee of course! Finding out why she was sent to kill him might be important... So why not make Canada work with Marlee to break into Russia's house? Because Russia is always guilty, right? Rated T for possible language and assassination attempts.
1. Chapter 1

It was dark in America's apartment as the nation woke up. The usual city noises of New York almost seemed muted. He got up out of bed and walked over to the window. The New York skyline shone bright like a million stars making up for the lack of real stars. America continued to look out on to New York until he felt a sudden stabbing pain in the back of his head. In fact, as he reached and felt the back of his head, something was stabbing him. A dagger to be exact.

America looked at the dagger and turned around. "A bit old fashioned isn't this? I mean now a days guns are the best choice for an assassination. But I guess it just depends on the assassin doesn't it?" America chatted slightly to the pair of wide eyes behind him. Suddenly the girl who owned the wide eyes tried to pull out the gun from her side. In a flash America was across the room and prevented her from doing so.

"I already have a headache from that dagger, so please don't do that," America stared at the girl who was fighting to get from his grip. "Who are you?" He asked.

"No one!" she spat at him and continued to try and escape. Curiosity taking hold of her, she blurted, "Who are you?"

"Well most people call me Alfred, but my real name is America. I'm guessing your employer didn't tell you 'America' did he?" Alfred said as he dragged her across the room. He set her down on his sofa and then handcuffed her to the sofa.

"Fine, but how did you not die?" she said. "That was one of the sharpest daggers money can buy and yet here you are."

Alfred sighed as he started to make some coffee. He glanced at the dagger before looking at the girl again. She was probably only 5"4 and she wore a tight black suit. It was obvious that she was trying to discreetly get out her lock picking tools from her boot while keeping him distracted. She sure was bent on trying to kill a man who couldn't die very easily.

"I'm guessing your employer didn't tell you much about me, or maybe you just have the wrong address," he paused before saying, "For you, I hope its the second. Who were you sent to kill?"

As Alfred turned around to continue making the coffee, Marlee, for that was her name, continued trying to unlock the handcuffs. "I was sent to kill Alfred Jones. He was said to live here," she said as she finally got the handcuffs undone.

As Alfred finished the coffee he turned around to find a gun against his head. "Look do you want some coffee or not?" As Marlee didn't make a move to lower the gun America continued on. "Maybe you want to know why I'm not dead?"

Marlee considered this for a second and reluctantly sat down. America smiled and handed her a coffee. "Cool! So before I answer why my existence has continued even after you stabbed me, I get to ask you who you are and who sent you?" America chatted.

Marlee looked at America with a confused look while she sipped the coffee. Unknown to America she had managed to slip some poison into his coffee while taking hers. She had decided to give him real answers instead of lying to him. Well, at least a few real answers. "My name is Marlee." True. "Marlee Urry." False. "I grew up in the USA." True. "Kansas to be exact." False. "I don't know who exactly sent me. They left me a note with a lot of cash. The note said that I would get another pile of cash if I killed Alfred Jones. The note said you lived here." False.

America stared at Marlee for a second before speaking. "I know at least the last bit you said was a lie. Although, I admit, I can't really tell what else was a lie. Unfortunately for you that means you had the right Alfred Jones."

Marlee was starting to get nervous about this so she tried to keep him distracted. "That doesn't answer why you didn't die," she said evenly.

"Well I'm not dead partially because of my name," said America.

"I don't see why being Alfred Jones would change anything," Marlee said.

"No, no, my _real_ name." Marlee still looked at America blankly so he went on, "America! The coolest nation ever!"

"So you're named after a country, what's the big deal?" Marlee snapped impatiently. She was carefully studying America's face for signs that the poison was working.

"It's not just a name, it's who I am! I am the personification of the United States of America! The awesomest nation that ever was and will be!" As America was saying all this he started to eat a hamburger that seemed to appear out of no where.

Marlee was thoroughly frustrated with the wacko and how slow the poison was working. And that was why she pulled out a hidden pistol and shot America in the stomach.

America then started choking on the burger and looking at the new hole in his stomach. Marlee tried to take this opportunity to run away. As she tried to jump from the chair though she found herself falling face first towards the floor. Luckily the lush rug softened her landing, and soon a half eaten burger joined her on the floor.

While this was happening to Marlee, America stared at the hole in his stomach. With acute nausea the nation watched the hole in his stomach start to heal. When it had finally healed to only a faint pink scar, America looked down at the assassin who was trying to get off the floor. She had spilled her drugged coffee all over the floor, and, as America looked to the side of his chair, his coffee was staining the carpet also.

America had known Marlee was probably going to try and make another attempt on his life so he had known that his coffee was probably poisoned. That suspicion had been confirmed when his throat had started to burn the way it did when he swallowed poison. America was definitely not happy at this point. He had a headache, from the dagger, a stomach ache, from the bullet, a raw throat, duh, the poison, and to top it all off he was tired from lack of coffee.

Marlee was still flopping on the floor as America got up to call England. "Hey Iggy, guess what's up!" America said when England picked up.

"DON'T BLOODY CALL ME IGGY!" England screamed into the phone so loud that America thought he heard it on his side of the ocean. "WHAT DO YOU WANT AT BLOODY SIX IN THE MORNING!"

"Great," America thought to himself, "I wanted to have earache to my list of pains…" America then started talking to England, "Fine, I didn't want to tell you about the girl I drugged who's in the middle of my living room right now anyways." Three, two, one…

"**WHAT THE BLOODY HELL, AMERICA! WHY IS THERE A GIRL ON YOUR FLOOR! DID YOU SAY YOU DRUGGED HER!? TELL ME RIGHT NOW YOU BLOODY #!^*% OR ELSE I'LL COME OVER THERE AND MAKE YOU TELL ME!"** America had previously thought England could get no louder but America had thought wrong. While this was causing problems with America's ear, he still loved teasing England.

"Chill, dude, she only shot me once!" America tried to hold back fits of laughter as he casually said this into the phone.

"**YOU BLOODY GIT! SHE SHOT YOU?! I'M COMING OVER THERE RIGHT NOW!" **A loud click was heard as England probably hung up the only way that was possible for him when he was this mad. By throwing it at a wall and shattering it.


	2. Chapter 2

During America's fun conversation with England, Marlee had started to find a way to crawl to the door. After a few minutes of thrashing on the floor helped Marlee to realize that America had drugged her coffee. The drug had caused the lower half of her body to become numb and immobile. She was almost to the door when strong arms picked her up off the floor. Marlee tried to fight against the nation, but her attempts were futile. Soon she was sat back down on the chair she had started.

"So now what?" she spat at him, frustrated that she hadn't escaped while he had been distracted. She tried to move her legs but they were still unresponsive. Before America could answer she asked something else, "How long will this last?"

America thought for a second before answering, "Well we wait for my friend! He's a super cool dude! And your legs will be immobile for the next three days, err, maybe?"

Marlee knew that it would be impossible to kill America, but she was about to try every possible way on Earth to try and accomplish it. Three days!? Maybe?!

Luckily Marlee and America didn't have to wait long. With a loud bang the door shattered. It apparently shattered with magic because the shrapnel managed to spell 'You bloody git' on the walls. It was also apparent that England had caused this because it was the first thing he yelled when he entered the apartment. "YOU BLOODY GIT!" he screamed running into the room. Marlee had decided this was probably his favorite phrase. "I DON'T KNOW WHICH OF YOU TO BE MORE ANGRY AT! THE BOY WHO DRUGGED A GIRL, AND TAUNTED ME ON THE PHONE! OR," England then turned on Marlee, "THE GIRL WHO TRIED TO KILL MY BABY BROTHER!"

"Seriously dude, just because you raised me doesn't mean you can call me 'baby brother,'" America complained.

England looked like his head was about to explode, but, instead, he let out a deep sigh and sank into a chair. "Just tell me why you tried to kill him, please," England said to Marlee. Marlee was confused to say the least. This situation was confusing. These crazy people were confusing. Hopefully this was just a dream, if not… Well, Marlee wasn't sure how this would end for her. But even if it was a dream she could not reveal her employer at all costs. As for why… even she didn't know that.

"What kind of assassin do you take me for? I can't just give up information like that," Marlee said trying to keep her cool.

England glared at her as a dark aura started to surround him.

America seemed to destroy the dark aura by jumping right through it. "Ah, c'mon England! I can handle this!" America said pushing England out of the way.

"Oh, I have no doubt that you can('t)," said England. "Fine," he continued, slightly mad that so far he hadn't been allowed to do anything, "I'll just leave!"

Marlee was kind of glad this England guy was leaving. One less weirdo to deal with. Unfortunately Alfred, err America, didn't want England to leave.

"Don't you want to know what my super cool plan is though?" America whined to England.

"Sure, what is your brilliant (stupid) plan?" England muttered to America.

"Well, I was thinking," America said as a strange muttering came from England that sounded suspiciously like _that would be a first_. After a glare aimed at England, America continued, "that maybe- Wait we can't have the Assassin hearing this!" exclaimed America. Marlee was then quickly escorted out of the room by America.

As soon as America locked the door Marlee started her crawl to the window. Marlee had recognized the room as America's bedroom so she knew there was a probably a fire escape outside the window. She finally got to the window and started unlocking it. Before she could get very far in opening the window, though, America came back into the room.

"Hey! You can't leave yet! You owe me for trying to kill me!" laughed America. America then proceeded to drag a struggling Marlee back into the apartment. Soon enough Marlee was set down in her chair again.

England looked at Marlee and snorted. "Well, you definitely have an interesting journey ahead of you," he then turned back to America, "Have fun on this little adventure yourself, idiot." With a loud pop England disappeared.

"What the hell was that?!" exclaimed Marlee.

"I think that's what they call apperating, or at least that what it's called in Harry Potter," sighed America. "But you can't tell him I read some of his books, or I'll never hear the end of it!" America said quickly.

"So, what will I do while I start regaining feeling in my legs?" asked Marlee wondering when she would be left alone long enough to escape.

"Well, we can have pizza! But I should also call my brother…" America said as he picked up the phone. He dialed a number ordered some pizza.

So the crazy, and invincible, person had a brother, Marlee thought. Hopefully the brother could help her. Before long the pizza arrived.

"So who is this brother of your's? Canada?" Marlee said jokingly.

America perked up and said with a mouthful of pizza, "Yeah! He also goes by Matthew. That reminds me," America started rummaging around in his pockets. He then pulled out his phone and dialed yet another number. He then set it to speaker phone and put the phone in the middle of the table.

After a few rings a soft voice, the complete opposite of America's, answered the phone. "Hello?" said the voice.

Marlee seemed to forget that America had just told her this was Canada and asked, "Who are you?"

An almost inaudible sigh was heard before, "I'm Canada…"

"Yo, Canada, I need your help with something!" America yelled into the phone.

"Really? You really need my help?!" said the voice excitedly. Marlee was surprised, why was this "Canada" person so excited.

"Yeah, dude! Here, I'll come over to your place so we can talk about it!" America said into the phone. Marlee looked at him and wondered if America had a private jet. She was starting to believe that he was America. It did kind of make sense, the love of hamburgers, being loud, and his general attitude. Not to mention the whole England and Canada thing.

"So how are we going to get to Canada's? I can't walk, remember?" Marlee asked America, glancing at her legs.

"It's easy really! England set up these magical portal things a few years ago so now we can go where ever we like! Here, I'll carry you!" Before Marlee could protest America had picked her up bridal style. Marlee immediately started to freak out and try and get out of America's arms. Assassins were never to be helpless! What could she do? At this point America was writing in a little book and then walking through the front door. Unfortunately for him this was also the moment Marlee remembered she owned a gun.

As all this was happening Canada was getting ready for his visitors. He wasn't completely sure who the girl on the phone had been but he was hoping it was a country he just hadn't heard about yet. It was always exciting to meet new countries! Although why America and this other girl needed help at one thirty in the morning was beyond him. As Canada cooked some pancakes, and a few burgers for America, a loud bang was heard from the front hall.

As Marlee grabbed for her gun America, having realized what she was trying to do tried to stop her. Unfortunately, that meant that Marlee shot him in the arm. America then proceeded to drop Marlee, knocking her out. That was when Canada decided to enter the room.

"What?!" Canada said in the loudest voice he had ever used. Probably as loud as America's normal voice. It was looking like they wouldn't be eating pancakes together.

...

**So I totally forgot to do an author's note last chapter... Um what to say? Any ideas? Leave please review, and I'll try and keep up with a weekly update. Maybe. Anyways Bye!**


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